The Indolence of November
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Sequel to "See You in September". Fifteen months have passed by since Maura's stay in Oregon. She and Jane have embraced their relationship with delicacy but is the hardest part really behind them now? Pre-established Rizzles, daily updates.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: first chapter, daily updates and reviews more than appreciated (I apologize for the long wait)**

 _ **"A classic is classic not because it conforms to certain structural rules, or fits certain definitions (of which its author had quite probably never heard). It is classic because of a certain eternal and irrepressible freshness." - Edith Wharton**_

 **Chapter One**

Fifteen months. It had taken Maura fifteen months to succumb to what she now saw as a new life routine; a whole series of elements that – once linked together – seemed to create a powerful whirl of addictions.

She had grown accustomed to the morning smiles, to the delicacy of a hand brushing her lower back and to the serene breath that slid on her neck during the night when they were falling both asleep and that the world had turned quiet. Their kisses belonged to nobody but themselves like the subtle beat of their hearts whenever she plunged her hazel eyes in Jane's dark ones.

She was in love.

The surge of feelings which now inhabited her was the result of a natural process that she had embraced with confidence and hope. She wanted to believe in them, in whatever story she and Jane were presently writing. Her return to Boston had been incredibly easy; logical even. The singular context imposed by her stay in Oregon hadn't weighed the slightest bit on the shy beginning of their relationship and it was now with a certain pleasure that she abandoned herself to the indolence of her life with Jane.

"Good morning."

Something had happened since they had made it to the cabin the evening before. Time seemed to have got suspended, as if the world had stopped on turning. The quietness of the Berkshire mountains had won over the frenzy of Boston and – wrapped in the comfort of this brand new silence – Maura suddenly realized how much needed this getaway was.

Her smile melted against Jane's lips as she leaned over for a morning kiss. She hadn't just fallen in love with someone but with all the gestures that came within the relationship as well, the ones she now considered as vital habits. Cuddling in bed with her partner belonged to the non-exhaustive list.

What time was it? How long had they slept for, exactly? Maura closed her eyes in an attempt to sweep away the endless series of pointless questions raised by her brain. Nothing really mattered right now but Jane's presence by her side and the way her long fingers travelled up and down her bare thigh.

"Are you hungry? I'm starving."

The bottle of wine that laid on the floor by the fireplace - in the living-room - was the only vestige of an aborted dinner that had quickly been replaced by a more carnal activity the evening before.

The detail caused Maura to smile. Wasn't it the exact reason of their presence here anyway? She wasn't genuine, even less shocked. Life had been such since she had come back from a three-month expedition in Alaska that she and Jane hadn't had much time for their couple.

Going away for Thanksgiving was an excellent idea; a well needed last-minute plan.

"I'm pretty sure I could do without breakfast..." Jane rolled on her side in a feline way. A certain boldness curled up her lips in a mischievous smile. She pouted, as if pondering the words she was about to say. "Even without coffee."

Maura raised a skeptical eyebrow and burst out laughing. Her voice echoed in the silence of the cabin. She cast a glance at the pine trees by the window in Jane's back: it was snowing. A thick layer of a pure whiteness had embraced the woods with grace and delicacy. Spending the day in bed was tempting, extremely tempting.

Even more now that Jane had started tracing a path of kisses down her neck.

"Five minutes. Give me five minutes." Maura sat up in bed and stretched out her arms. She repressed a yawn then winked at her partner. "Five minutes and I'm all yours."

The rustle of the sheet died in an icy gust of wind. Jane huddled against herself and watched her partner walk towards the door. She cleared her voice just as Maura was about to exit the bedroom.

"You're naked."

The remark left Maura perplexed. She was well aware of her current absence of clothes but nudity had never been an issue. Besides, the context was such that she didn't see the point in getting dressed: they were in the middle of the woods, in the mountains. Nobody had a chance to walk in on her any time soon. Yet Jane didn't seem to share her point of view.

"C'mon. It's cold and I don't want you to get sick. I didn't come here to play the nurse."

Alright. Jane had a point this time. Maura wrinkled her nose before walking towards a pile of clothes abandoned on top of an armchair. She grabbed a pair of hipsters and a mid-thigh woolen sweater. She put them on then turned around to look at her partner.

"Satisfied?"

Her question got welcomed by an enthusiastic nod. She walked out of the bedroom and took a deep breath on her way downstairs. The cabin smelled of wood, she loved it. The air was chilly – they would have to turn the heater on at some point – but a peculiar sentiment of comfort wrapped her up nonetheless.

She had never believed in her capacity to escape her daily responsibilities by physically going away from Boston yet she had to admit on that snowy morning of November that the Berkshire mountains were having a very positive impact on her stressful life.

She felt fine, here; fine and relaxed.

And the truth was that it hadn't happened in a long while.

Lost in her thoughts, she crossed the living-room and went straight towards the kitchen area. The cabin was a big one – way too big for the two of them actually – but Maura didn't feel like complaining. The getaway was a surprise. Jane had organized everything with the help of their friends and relatives. Even the packing. Maura had come back home on Friday afternoon only to find two suitcases by the door and the destination had remained a mystery until Jane had turned off the engine in the driveway of the cabin a couple of hours later.

Maura grabbed a glass and poured some water in it before taking a sip.

They should do that more often. Being spontaneous was a completely foreign notion to her but these improvised weekends out of Boston responded to an untold need she couldn't keep on ignoring. They were important if not just paramount. She had to force herself a little bit if she didn't want to damage her and Jane's relationship because of her absence of communication skills.

The past fifteen months were a miracle in themselves. It was the very first time Maura felt fine with someone; so fine actually that she was dying to make plans; endless plans.

"I had forgotten you used to walk around the house pantless, Isles."

The sudden intrusion caused Maura to jump of surprise. She immediately turned around then squinted her eyes at the person who had just spoken. She would have recognized his voice anywhere, among a thousand ones. Yet the surprise to see him here completely took her aback.

"What..."

William Montgomery burst out laughing. His voice rose loudly and went straight to Maura's heart to point out an evidence she hadn't stopped thinking about: she had terribly missed him.

Her internship in Oregon hadn't put an end to the singular connection she had developed with her colleagues and roommates. On the contrary. They all had kept in touch during these past fifteen months but hadn't had a chance to meet again. Or at least not until now.

William stood up and rushed to the kitchen to take Maura in his arms just as Jane was walking downstairs. Maura cast a glance at her partner: the smirk that lit up Jane's features immediately answered the dozen of questions that had risen within her mind. Everything was planned. William's presence in the Berkshire mountains was planned.

But then if the young medical examiner from San Diego was there, did it mean that...

The main door got opened and swept away Maura's last doubts. She stared astounded at the three women she hadn't seen since Oregon walk in: Emma Carrington, Vera Watson and Emily James. They were all carrying travel bags and suitcases.

Emma dropped her bag on the floor before walking to the kitchen area with her typical casualness. She poured herself a glass of water then motioned the door she had left wide opened.

"Barnes is convinced he saw a bear. There I was thinking he was only obsessed with Oregon whales..." The woman smiled at Maura, as if she had finally noticed her presence in the room, then scoffed. "Gosh, Isles... Do the pants come as an option in Massachusetts?"

Matthew Barnes. Maura blinked then turned her head around as she heard someone pass the door. Matthew Barnes – her colleague from Michigan – was standing in the doorway: he was all smiles.

Then Emma's remark hit Maura. She was in a room with six people. Pantless. Her hands immediately went for her woolen sweater. She pulled on it a bit desperately, still taken aback by the unexpected turn of events.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews as well as for the messages about Paris.**

 **Chapter Two**

Maura stepped out of the shower and positioned herself behind Jane. Her hazel eyes looked for her partner's dark ones through the steam of the bathroom mirror before echoing the silent smile that had lit up her features a couple of minutes earlier.

To the exhilaration of the moment had succeeded a strong, peaceful sentiment of well-being. Everyone was now unpacking which left Maura some time to have a shower and finally get dressed. She had no idea what the rest of the day would be made of but she knew that the veil of comfort that had wrapped her up earlier in the kitchen wasn't about to abandon her.

"I love you."

It had taken her several weeks to be able to say the three words out loud to Jane. She had let them boil in her head at first and it is only once they had reached her heart with an untouchable clarity that she had accepted them to pass her lips. She never saw the expression of her feelings as a routine; as something that she should be saying because it was what couples did. Her sincerity was a singular one, fragile and graceful at the same time.

Jane laughed the statement away as a wave of timidity embraced her. She turned around to look at her partner.

The Thanksgiving gathering had appeared as an evidence to her a few days only after Maura had returned from Alaska. Of course she could have chosen a more intimate and romantic getaway but something she couldn't name – something that twirled within herself – had pushed her to make sure that they wouldn't be alone. They needed a presence by their side; for whatever reason.

"I like it when I make you happy."

This was something that Jane would have never said to anyone before her relationship with Maura for she would have found it awfully cheesy but the past fifteen months had made her work on this self-confidence she sometimes lacked of. She had opened up, little by little.

Maura's lips brushed her shoulder in a stolen kiss. The touch – as soft as it was – resounded loudly in the bathroom.

"We're waiting for you downstairs!"

Vera's voice put an abrupt end to their daydreams. Maura replied to her friend then grabbed her clothes. Intimacy would have to wait. She didn't mind much though. They had had the evening before and a large part of the night to succumb to the pleasure of their mutual feelings. She poked her head outside and winked at the medical examiner.

Vera hadn't changed the slightest bit. None of them had changed as a matter of fact. It was strangely comforting : some things were meant to remain the same no matter what. Maura saw in them these indispensable life references that defined every single one of her actions. She felt lost without them; lost and useless.

"You have a bruise on your neck."

The comment piqued Jane's curiosity. She immediately leaned over to squint her eyes at her reflection in the mirror then growled. It wasn't a bruise but a hickey.

...

"How come you aren't married yet? Please tell me my favorite ship isn't sinking!"

Every step she made in the snow produced this singular sound she had always loved. The ice broke under the weight of her body with a certain elegance. There was something about the snow, something pure and serene. The two-second sound brought her back to family winters in Switzerland where the whiteness of the Alps contrasted with the intense blue of the sky.

"What ship are you talking about? I'm sorry, I didn't have a chance to watch the news this morning. Did something happen? Where?"

The innocence of her statement caused William to burst out laughing. He shook his head at his friend – cast a glance at the group that was slightly ahead of them – then grabbed her arm to drag her closer to his body.

"I'm talking about you and Jane, idiot! How come there's still no ring on your lovely finger? Is everything alright?"

William felt how Maura got tense and he immediately regretted his questions. He was being intrusive, way too much. Perhaps there were some things he ignored about his friend and her partner; he shouldn't have let his own enthusiasm reach such degree of intimacy. Embarrassed, he was about to apologize when Maura cut him off with a long sigh; a very surprising one.

"Why do people keep on fighting for freedom and emancipation if it's to give in one of the most patriarcal concepts ever invented?"

Alright. The question was fair and rather deep for the current circumstances. They were peacefully – joyfully – strolling through the woods. William hadn't assumed that his remark would lead to such level of thinking.

"Why?" His voice rose loudly in the air, soon followed by his unique laughter. He shook his head as disbelief embraced his features. "But to piss off your parents, to make sure your in-laws will hate you... To drag your friends out of bed on a Saturday morning for a twenty-minute ceremony when they could have overslept in the warmth of their house! For all of this, darling. There's nothing like a wedding."

"I get along with Jane's family." Or at least with most of them. She still had to meet cousins, aunts and uncles. "Getting married..."

She didn't finish her sentence. The words wouldn't pass her lips. She cast a discreet glance at Jane who was in full talk with Emily and Matthew. Her dark eyes were glimmering of delight, of an innocent delight that matched the red of her cheeks and her unruled hair. She was beautiful; in her very own way.

"It's not an obligation. I was kidding, you know."

Maura politely smiled at William. It was too late. She could feel the bitterness in her friend's voice, his sentiment of confusion and doubts. It was her fault though as she hadn't been able to properly express herself on the matter. Everything had stayed trapped inside. The words hadn't even brushed her lips.

"What about you? How is your husband doing?"

Maura was a bit surprised to see that none of her colleagues had come with their significant other. Jane was the only one who wasn't a medical examiner but she was linked to these friendships that had developed in Oregon. She was an exception in this singular circle of friends after all.

"Fine... I mean I guess." William paused. "We're getting a divorce."

The extremely low temperatures of the day stopped having an effect on Maura as she felt her cheeks begin to burn. She swallowed hard then stared at her feet. She was mortified yet how come William hadn't let her know earlier? They called each other from time to time. They were in touch. A divorce wasn't the kind of detail you forgot to mention to a friend.

"Rule number one to a successful marriage: don't marry someone who is atrociously possessive. It won't work out on the long term."

William's statement didn't reassure her the slightest bit. She hated admitting it but her relationship with Jane had stirred up a jealousy within herself that she had a hard time to understand. When the words hit the air and a latent - electric - atmosphere burst out loud, she could barely recognize herself. Jane showed an incredible amount of patience which only pushed Maura even further in her self-frustration. She had no reason whatsoever to be jealous, the worst of all was that she knew it. But the feeling was stronger than her mind and she had no hold over it.

"I'm sorry."

A mischievous flame – full of hope – started shining in William's eyes. The young man shrugged in disapproval then let go of Maura's arm.

"Don't be. I've never felt so fine in my life... But hey, that doesn't mean _you_ don't have to marry Jane. The two of you, it's different. It's completely different. You're soulmates."

"Someone's calling my name?" Hands in the pockets of her winter coat, Jane smiled at William and waited for him and Maura to reach her. She planted a kiss on her partner's temple as they did. "What are you plotting in our back?"

Neither William nor Maura replied. They hadn't noticed how the group had stopped and was now waiting for them by a curve of the hiking trail. The snow was falling hard, too hard to resume the morning walk through the mountains.

"Let's come back to the cabin and have lunch. Is everyone okay with that?"

As the group nodded and began the walk back to the cabin, Maura watched how William interacted with every single person around.

Perhaps she had let appearances trick her. Perhaps she should have been more attentive. It was often the most joyful people in public who ended up being the loneliest ones in private after all. This wasn't a myth. It had never crossed her mind until now that her friend's _joie de vivre_ could only be a façade.

"Are you okay?"

Jane's concern rose in a low whisper. Maura nodded a silent - comforting – reply, hating the fact that her partner could read through her like in an open book. She wished she were less transparent at times.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: thank you all for the messages and reviews, they are highly appreciated.**

 **Chapter Three**

"Maura! We're on a..."

Jane didn't have a chance to finish her sentence for her efforts were vain: Maura had already taken the call anyway and Emily had just reached the kitchen counter, putting thus an end to a conversation that sounded just as bitter as all the previous ones defined by a similar frame. Jane took a deep breath to calm down. They weren't alone, it was certainly not the right time to have an argument.

Smiling to Emily turned out to be easier than expected. She motioned the coffee maker then grabbed two mugs.

"She is the chief medical examiner of the state, Jane."

Of course Emily had guessed the reason of the tension in the kitchen. She was a very ambitious medical examiner herself so she probably didn't count her hours spent at her workplace, no matter she had young children who were waiting for her at home. Jane's nod disappeared under endless layers of a thick silence. She didn't want to talk about what had just happened. Not now, not here.

"How do you like your coffee? Strong?"

It wasn't the fact they argued that bothered Jane but the fact it was always because of the same thing. When it wasn't the morgue, it was the senator who took the liberty to call Maura in the middle of the night if he considered it as an emergency. She knew that it didn't please her partner and that Maura had no other choice but to answer him yet Jane was tired of it. And concerned.

"I should have chosen a place that has no signal. Next time I'll make sure she can't be reached."

Emily laughed politely. She sat up on one of the stools then let a long sigh pass her lips before rolling her eyes in a dramatic way.

"Politicians always find their way to you." The mischievousness of her wink echoed Jane's smile. "People are wrong to think the dead can wait. Usually when they land on our tables then it means time is running against us... It's not her fault."

"Oh I know that. I just wish they realized she's stressed and exhausted... And how much she needs to have a rest. It's like she can't catch a break."

Jane shrugged. Her very own mother had told her the exact same thing once, a couple of years after she had been promoted homicide detective. Her stubbornness had swept away the remark but she now saw things differently: she was worried for Maura, for her health.

"She's strong and passionate so she has everything it takes to overcome the pressure that comes within this kind of job. You're dating one of the best medical examiners this country has."

Emily was right but it didn't comfort Jane the slightest bit. They had made it to the Berkshire mountains the day before. Not even twenty-four hours had passed by and the senator was already calling Maura. Jane hated that.

"Where are the others?"

The medical examiner from New York raised an index finger in direction of the first floor. It wasn't very late but the night had already fallen, plunging the cabin in a white darkness as the snow seemed to shine under a cold moonlight. The woods were quiet; too much, perhaps.

...

"I like your hands... Your fingers..." Maura's whisper melted into a fragile smile as she let her own hand brush Jane's. "No, scratch that. I don't _like_ them... I love them. I love you."

Could she picture a ring on one of these fingers she kept on caressing? She suddenly let go of her lover's hand as William's words came back to haunt her mind. She was tired, the day had been long and emotionally intense. She now simply wanted to cuddle and stay in bed with Jane until the sun would slide on her skin in a warm embrace the next morning.

Marriage. The concept seemed to be carried by a distrustful blurriness. Maura saw it as a fatal game. It hadn't worked out for Jane's parents and she could hardly say that her very own parents had always embraced their married life with a honest happiness. She felt lost before it; lost and uncertain. Why did people see it as a necessity?

Getting married didn't offer any guaranty whatsoever about the future.

"Do your scars hurt because of the cold temperatures?"

Maura passed a delicate fingertip along the scar Jane had on her left hand. She bit her lower lip and furtively closed her eyes. They didn't talk much about all this yet their silence was incredibly loud. They didn't fool anyone, not even themselves.

"That's okay."

A surge of guilt invaded Maura. Jane was suffering in silence and she couldn't do anything to help her. She hated feeling disarmed before her partner. Something hurt in her heart whenever it happened, something strong and burning. She wasn't responsible for these scars but her incapacity to ease Jane by then always won over her reason.

She planted a kiss on the palm of Jane's hand then took a deep breath.

"William's getting a divorce. He told me about it this morning. I didn't know that things weren't going well between him and his husband. He hadn't let me know..."

And she hadn't seen it come either.

What had happened to the good observer she was convinced to be? She frowned, frustrated and embarrassed. It was a strange late-night bed talk. The wind was blowing hard outside and it reminded her of Oregon except instead of the rain, endless snowflakes were falling from the sky.

Jane's absence of reaction caused Maura's heart to beat faster. She had been too direct and had lacked subtlety.

"But he's doing fine. That's what he told me. He's... He's okay. He's alright."

Maura's attempt to catch back on her tactless attitude fell flat. Conscious of her awkward attitude, she leaned up on her elbow then locked her eyes with Jane's dark ones. She didn't need to speak per se – they could do without words – but she had to make sure that her partner was fine. One way or another.

Jane was lying on her back and stared absentmindedly at the ceiling of their bedroom. Her features were deep and emphasized a seriousness that Maura didn't know what to do of. She didn't seem shocked but almost blasé as a matter of fact.

An imperceptible movement of her eyes caught Maura's attention.

"What do you think about marriage?" Maura's whisper got lost in an ocean of doubts. She had no idea whatsoever why she had asked such question. It absolutely didn't make sense. "Why does it keep on making people dream so much?"

Someone burst out laughing on the other side of the door, in the corridor. Maura briefly turned around to look in the direction of the voice before focusing back on Jane. She had gone too far to give up now. Perhaps she would regret it but such was life.

"I don't know anymore. I don't know if I should think anything about it at all. I grew up thinking it was something... It was part of what we had to do but..." Jane shrugged. "But the more it goes, the more I think it's just like a dangerous illusion of some sort."

The harshness of her words hit the air with an untold violence, an old resentment she had kept for herself for way too long. She didn't mean to scare Maura nor to sound atrociously pessimistic but she had preferred to be honest instead of flirting with a political correctness that would have made her feel guilty.

Maura nodded and settled back on her side of the bed. What an odd way to put an end to a day full of surprises, full of laughs and promises. The darker note of Jane's opinion wasn't that far from her very own one but as her partner turned the light off, Maura realized that she had just lost herself in a labyrinth of uncertainties; of endless doubts.

Her relationship with Jane was an evidence, she didn't put it back into question as she had no reason to do it. But William's innocent remark had stirred up a whirl of wonders within her mind and she now felt completely disarmed.

"Good night."

She closed her eyes and smiled as Jane echoed her words with her own ones. The hoarse voice floated above their heads for a while before dying in the peaceful silence of the night.

Maura didn't sleep well though. She dreamed of failed marriages, of smiles that melted into burning tears and of unkept promises. A harsh absence by her side, hot and icy at the same time. She dreamed that Jane had left her behind and that from the glorious times of her past life only remained now the bittersweet ruins of her vulnerability.

All of this was ridiculous.

All of this but the fragility of life. This was something she knew for a fact: just because Jane was standing by her side now didn't mean that it would always be like that. It wasn't resignation. She was simply being realistic for it was the only way she knew to keep her distance with dreams that may not be as sweet as they seemed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: thank you very much for the reviews and messages.**

 **Chapter Four**

The timidity of the kisses turned out to be furtive. Their mouths soon found a certain boldness and resulted enough for Maura to pass a leg over Jane's waist to then settle on top of her body. She sat up – her lips taking a reluctant distance with her lover's – then she locked her eyes with Jane's dark ones.

Her shirt slid up her spine as she took it off in the silence of the morning. She hadn't completely forgotten the bitterness of her dreams but Jane's suggestive caresses had changed her priority for the moment and she wasn't about to complain about it.

Jane's hand made contact with her stomach. A fingertip brushed her ribs before a warm palm to stop on her breast. Maura closed her eyes – arched her back – and leaned her head backwards. She wasn't certain she understood the intensity of their intimacy. It had never lasted so long with her previous relationships. Fifteen months had passed by since her birthday evening in Oregon yet whenever Jane happened to touch her, the strength of her feelings was still the same.

It was intoxicating.

A smile of pleasure curled up her lips as Jane's caress on her breast grew in boldness. Aroused, she took a deep breath then started moving her hips at a delicate, slow pace.

...

"You've had sex."

Maura's cheeks turned into a delicate pink shade that contrasted deeply with the boldness of her smirk. She took a sip of her coffee then raised an eyebrow at Vera.

"Isn't it a rather common activity for couples to indulge in?"

The medical examiner from Nevada didn't reply at first. She waited for Matthew to sit up on a stool and pour himself a mug of coffee before shrugging at Maura.

"I'm more of an evening person, actually." She looked by the window. The snow was falling hard, whirls of icy white pearls were dancing in the air as a strong wind kept on blowing them away. "But then on a day like today... I guess I wouldn't mind making compromises!"

"Are you single?" Matthew raised his eyes from his mug. The cabin was still quiet but the stifled sounds that came from upstairs announced an imminent change of pace in the kitchen. "Weren't you dating someone when we were in Oregon?"

Vera wasn't timid at all but discreet when it came to her private life. Maura realized that Matthew's question was fair as she wouldn't have been able to answer herself: Emily was married and Emma had someone as well in her life. But what about Vera? She leaned against the kitchen counter and patiently waited for her friend's reply.

"Let's say I have some... Contacts... If I don't want to spend a night all by myself from time to time."

The reply caused Matthew to burst out laughing. It actually suited Vera quite well. Her independent temper was such that she didn't need to be in a proper relationship. She decided when and who. It was neat, precise.

William and Jane stormed in the kitchen just as the main door got opened. Emily and Emma walking inside. They had gone for an early jog, just like in Oregon. No matter the weather, both women never gave up on their morning physical activity. William sighed dramatically as Emma approached the fridge.

"How can you drag yourself out of bed to go for a run in the snow? There gotta be something wrong in your brain, Carrington. Why are you so hard with yourself? Indulge in a warm blanket... In a hot chocolate!"

A joyful conversation started between the medical examiners about healthy lifestyles. Maura remained quiet, way too absorbed in her discreet work of observation. She had rarely felt as fine as the way she was feeling now. A certain sweetness had wrapped her up without any warning and had soothed years of endless, cold wonders.

These people were her family. She didn't see them every day but she was still convinced – deep inside – that even a geographical distance would never tear them apart from each other. It was immensely satisfying; and comforting.

"Thank you." Maura's hot breath brushed Jane's ear. "Thank you for bringing them here."

They had made love twice this morning; once in bed then one more time in the bathroom. It hadn't happened for a while. As the unusual character of the fact had hit Jane, she hadn't been able to prevent herself from thinking that she and Maura had perhaps fallen into some sort of routine without even realizing it. They were still a relatively young couple. They couldn't afford to let life swallow them the way it did with people who had spent endless decades together.

People who were married.

Of course she hadn't forgotten the question Maura had asked the night before. How could she? The truth was that a strong guilt had passed underneath her veins as she had been sleeping.

She had been harsh, way too harsh. Now a mountain of doubts made her vision blurry. She didn't know Maura's opinion on the matter. She vaguely remembered a conversation they had had once, a long time ago. But too many things had changed in their life to stick to what Maura had told her by then.

"Earth's calling Jane and Maura."

Maura almost jumped of surprise at the call of her name. Her hazel eyes went from Jane to Vera. She had missed a question. Something had happened during brief but intense seconds. She had lost herself in Jane's eyes, in her smile and in the reminiscence of the softness of their morning sighs.

"Hmm?"

"If the two of you aren't too much in a let's-fuck mood, would you like to go skiing with the rest of the group this afternoon?"

It wasn't cowardice. Maura didn't see it this way. She simply wanted to have fun for a while and stop thinking about all these untold things that haunted her nights from time to time. There was no guilt to see in her attitude, in her desire to have fun. Thus she enthusiastically nodded at Vera and laughed at her slightly direct behavior.

She and Jane hadn't made it to the Berkshire mountains to throw themselves in the equivalence to a Greek tragedy. This getaway was supposed to be a break from the stress of their Bostonian life. William was getting a divorce and so what? He seemed to do just fine. Obviously he was handling it rather well and Maura had to stop comparing her couple to his friend's failed one.

They went skiing. For a whole day she put aside her ridiculous fears and fed herself of this powerful sentiment of joy that emanated from their group. Nobody called her – neither the morgue nor the senator – and the lightness of Jane's smiles brought comfort to her heart.

"What is it like to have found the right one?"

They had just reached a restaurant in the mountains – on top of a slope – and while the whole group had invaded a large table by the French windows, Maura had gone to the bathroom. Vera's question caused her to freeze. She looked up at the reflection of her friend in the mirror. The situation was unexpected, as honest as Vera's curiosity happened to be.

"It is accepting to feel vulnerable and extremely strong at the same time."

Vera pursed her lips as she seemed to ponder the reply. Her silence lasted a second too long and Maura began to wonder if she had disappointed her friend. Perhaps Vera had expected something else, something more eloquent.

"Then it's definitely not for me."

What was the probability that Vera Watson had never fallen in love with anyone? Maura imperceptibly squinted her eyes as the question hit her mind. They belonged to the same generation. Vera had had to know what being in love felt like.

"I used to say that... Then Jane kissed me for some obscure reason while I was about to leave for Oregon and everything changed. Isn't it strange how a single second can make a whole life tip over?"

"I don't know if it's strange but it suits you very well."

Maura's smile never really vanished from her lips. It remained there – bright and delicate – for the rest of the day. Vera's words were the most beautiful ones she had heard to qualify her relationship with Jane. They owned a certain grace, the lightness that only an intelligent subtlety can carry.

She had been touched by her friend's remark; a lot more than what she would have ever imagined.

They came back to the cabin exhausted but full of this satisfaction to have lived their day at the fullest. Everyone crashed on the couches of the living-room and they let a black and white movie rock them in the silence of the night.

Luck had rarely been part of Maura's vocabulary but as she held Jane tightly against her and that the large television embraced them of its singular light, something tilted in her head; something she had repressed for too long.

She couldn't put a word on what it was as feelings seemed to be leading the waltz of the beats of her heart but she didn't mind. Serenity had spread its comforting veil over her mind. It had stiffened her insecurities to reduce them to a desert of inaudible sighs. Even her vulnerability looked warm, the one she had told Vera about.

Now she could say it: she was a lucky woman, even maybe the luckiest one around.

Jane turned her head to look at Maura as if she had understood the storm of feelings that was taking place in her lover's heart. She didn't say anything. She didn't move. She just smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and suggestions.**

 **Chapter Five**

"I can't believe Jane paid in advance for a turkey."

The wine aisle wasn't what Maura would call a glorious one but for a small grocery shop lost in the Berkshire mountains, she had to admit that she couldn't complain. William grabbed a bottle of Bordeaux and checked the label.

"See? She _is_ wedding material."

Repressing the strong desire to hit her colleague with the back of her hand cost Maura a lot of energy but it comforted her in her choice to spend an obscene amount of money every month in these sophrology classes. It was all about self-control and psychological detachment.

She simply rolled her eyes at William instead then picked four bottles of the Bordeaux he had been checking.

She wasn't angry with him for bringing up the same topic again. As ridiculous as it might be, she knew deep inside that she would never be able to be angry with William for anything at all. They shared a very strange bond, one that only very close relatives experienced. The care she had for him was immense, for whatever reason.

"Don't force me to abandon you in the middle of the woods."

Her unusual repartee caused William to smirk. A playful flame began to shine in his eyes as he shook his head at Maura and produced a sound of disapproval with his tongue.

"Humor, really? Too bad I happen to be the one who has the car keys, it makes your joke fall flat, darling."

Maura didn't insist. She resumed her slow walking down the wine aisle and repressed a yawn. She and William had volunteered to go grocery shopping in spite of the rather bad weather. They could have waited for one more day as they wouldn't be celebrating Thanksgiving before twenty-four hours but the stock of alcohol was dangerous approaching the absolute zero at the cabin.

And as Matthew Barnes had said, this was not a situation seven adults wanted to face.

"I could be your bridesmaid... You're allowed to have more than one so your best friend shouldn't take it badly."

The innocence of the remark pushed Maura to look down. Jane was her best friend, she didn't have any other one. The rare people she saw in Boston from time to time were mere acquaintances. If she ever got married, the ceremony would cruelly highlight her absence of real friendships. There was still Susie Chang but they barely saw each other outside of work. Her social life was pitiful, especially compared to her parents' one.

"I've forgotten to pick up olives. Would you mind?"

She watched how William nodded and immediately danced his way to the right aisle while she remained alone in the wine section. A woman in her fifties smiled at her as they looked at each other. Maura smiled back and tightened her grip on the grocery bag she was holding. She felt hot all of a sudden; too hot.

She rushed to the checkout and focused on the white landscape through the large windows. She needed to feel the icy air of the mountains burn her lungs and the wind caress her nape as she would make her way to the car that was parked a bit further down the path.

"A penny for your thoughts."

William took her out of her reverie. She let a pale smile haunt her lips, one that could only emphasize her sudden lack of enthusiasm for their little morning shopping getaway. She shrugged.

"I wasn't thinking about anything."

It wasn't a lie. Her brain had gone blanked, muffled by endless questions that desperately remained unanswered. Why did everything have to look so vain?

...

Maura leaned over the guardrail of the first-floor terrace and looked down at the snow fight that was taking place on her left. Jane, William, Matthew and Emma were running around like crazy in the snow; their laughter rising high in the sky and warming up everyone's heart. Their voices burst the bubble of silence of the mountains like a thousand fireworks.

"You didn't join?"

Emily walked outside and joined Maura on the terrace, a cigarette in her hand. She cast a brief glance at the scene before waving at Vera who was sunbathing on a deckchair. The gray of the sky had vanished in a ribbon of blue just after lunch revealing thus the beauty of the mountains that had remained secret until now, hidden behind the fog of bad days.

"I have had my dose of snow fights for the year already in Boston!"

The lightness of Maura's laugh died in an abrupt silence – a bitter one – as the reminiscence of her last snow fight with Jane came back to her mind. She hadn't forgotten about it but something had made that she had put a veil over it before pushing it far in a dark corner of her brain. She hadn't expected it to come back to the surface so quickly, so sharply. She swallowed hard and cleared her voice as if to sweep away her slight discomfort.

"I can't have children."

Her whisper didn't hurt. It brushed her lips before hitting the air with a strange serenity. She blinked as an unexpected smile lit up her features.

The last time she and Jane had abandoned themselves to a snow fight, she had just learned that she would never give birth to anyone. She had accepted the news with wisdom. The idea of a pregnancy had been discarded a long time ago anyway but the symbol that came within it was a lot stronger than what Maura had imagined.

"It's okay... I'm fine, don't be worried." How weird she was trying to reassure Emily when she was the one who was supposed to be affected by the whole thing. "It was just a checkup and... Well, I'm forty-one years old anyway. That's life."

Emily remained quiet for long seconds. Her eyes were fixed on the pine trees and a summit that they could see in the distance. Her face was impassive but her features quite deep.

"You're not missing anything big. Kids are awfully noisy."

The unexpected character of the remark caused Maura to burst out laughing. She looked at her friend and shook her head at her in disbelief. Emily was married, she was the mother of two young children. How could she say such thing? Yet her politically incorrectness warmed up Maura's heart. She didn't live her infertility as a tragedy but she was mostly glad to see that the people she considered as family were able to laugh about it without missing her respect.

"And they destroy your body... The little bastards." Vera had finally left behind her deckchair to share a cigarette with Emily. She winked at Maura before turning serious again. "There's still adoption if you and Jane want to have a family."

Of course it was an option Maura knew that they could contemplate just like Jane's pregnancy. A few days after they had got to know for her, Jane had had a checkup and everything was fine. She was forty-two years old, which meant her chances to get pregnant were thin, but it wasn't impossible. They simply hadn't gone any further in the idea.

Then life had taken them back in its usual frenzy.

"I guess Jane and I are fine with the role of the gay aunts. It sounds awfully cliché but... Let's face it... We have very demanding jobs and I don't think we're eager to slow down any time soon."

Perhaps her reply sounded cold and too impersonal but she honestly saw things this way. Maura believed in science, she had a Cartesian mind. At no moment in her life had she ever succumbed to what-ifs, not even when it came to her love life. But perhaps her medical results were still a sign. She didn't manage to completely discard such possibility.

Unless it was just a lucky charm to overcome the whole thing.

She was fine and healthy. The fact she would never carry a child inside of her was a detail, a very tiny one compared to the tragedies she heard on the news every morning or the ones she faced at work; all these people who landed between her hands for plenty of different reasons. She was in love and was loved in return. The rest didn't matter much.

"The senator will be glad to hear that..."

Emily winked at Maura but didn't insist. She leaned over the guardrail instead and yelled at Jane to watch her back as William was discreetly approaching, a snow ball in his hands.

End of the conversation.

Maura took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Perhaps one day she and Jane would talk about all this again. Perhaps they would even mention marriage. For the moment it simply remained in the distance, like a stormy cloud in the sky of July. It wasn't approaching but it wasn't going away either. It just stayed there. Quietly.

Was it a shadow in a life she loved so much? She had never said that everything was perfect. She and Jane had their ups and downs but they kept on swimming at the surface so the rest had very little importance in the end.

Or at least not yet.

Maura opened her eyes anew and looked at Jane who had just hit William with a snow ball. Her face was glowing of happiness.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and private messages (I'll reply to the PMs tomorrow).**

 **Chapter Six**

"Is it okay if you don't spend Thanksgiving with your kids?"

Jane felt a bit stupid. She should have asked Emily earlier about it, not once the young woman had made it by herself to the Berkshire mountains to spend the holidays with friends instead. Emily's nod emphasized a self-confidence that Jane saw as almost intimidating but the smile that lit up her features softened the woman's cold appearances.

"We have never celebrated Thanksgiving together. I'm always working for the holidays and they spend them at my parents' in Connecticut. The fact I'm here doesn't change anything regarding this little tradition." Emily took a sip of her tea before locking her eyes with Jane's dark ones. "I'm glad to be here. I needed this time out."

The remark reassured Jane. She sat down on the hardwood floor by the fireplace and nodded evasively. The cabin was quiet. Everyone had retreated to their respective bedrooms to get ready for dinner; everyone but her and Emily. The night had fallen a while ago, spreading its deep blue around the woods. The temperatures had lowered too.

"How is it to have children? How is it to... To have children and such a demanding job? You're in New York City. I can barely imagine what it's like compared to Boston."

Emily looked embarrassed by the question. Jane had taken her aback and she seemed just as uncomfortable as she, Emily, was. The context was peculiar, not the question for it wasn't the first time she was asked about her life.

"It's not easy but it's worth it." Perhaps she was reading too deep in the conversation but the words burnt her lips way too much for her to not ask Jane about her doubts. "Would... Would you like to have children?"

There was nothing incongruous in such possibility although it absolutely didn't match what Maura had told her earlier in the afternoon. Emily tilted her head and squinted her eyes at Jane. Confusion had spread a subtle veil over her face.

"Oh." Jane blinked. She didn't know why she had asked about children in the first place. All she wanted was to share a nice conversation with Emily while waiting for the others to join them back downstairs for dinner. "I don't know, it's... I don't know..." Her uncertainty had reached a higher degree and caused her to stutter. She finally shrugged and looked down to avoid Emily's eyes. "Maybe...?"

She liked children after all. She had simply drawn a line under the idea of maternity because she hadn't found her significant other. But things were completely different now. She had Maura. Perhaps the idea of building a family was only a very timid one but it was still there, within her heart.

"I thought..."

Emily didn't finish her sentence. She didn't know what to say. Jane had no idea that Maura had let her know about her infertility. An apologetic smile played on Jane's lips. She swept away the conversation with a gesture of the hand and straightened up.

"It's not Maura's thing anyway. She likes having TJ at home from time to time – TJ's my nephew – but motherhood... Nah. It's not her stuff. It's okay."

Matthew and William's voices rose somewhere in their back. Emily cast a brief glance at both men before leaning over to grab Jane's hand.

"You should talk to her some time. I'm not judging anyone but... Don't forget to communicate with each other. I know life can be stressing and all but it's not a reason to skip this part."

...

"I swear I'm not lying! The five siblings died on the same day: one per year." Vera made a vague gesture with her hand. "Just like that."

Everyone at the table burst out laughing, everyone but Jane. She simply smiled instead and took advantage of the anecdote to observe Maura. The words Emily had shared with her an hour earlier kept on haunting her mind, creating a whirl of endless scenarios she didn't know what to do of. The medical examiner from New York City was right as communication was the key to any successful relationship but she wasn't certain to understand why Emily had chosen these words over any other ones; why she had given Jane such advice.

Was Maura hiding something from her?

The mere thought of such possibility plunged Jane into an intolerable guilt. Of course Maura didn't hold any secret against her: she was a honest person. Then why? Why had Emily suggested her to have a talk with her partner?

Jane must have lacked discretion this time because Maura noticed the way she was being observed. She timidly raised an eyebrow at Jane.

"Is everything alright?"

 _You tell me._ Jane nodded. She wasn't going to throw a scene now, not only because they weren't alone but also because she had no reason to. Concern had risen within her mind but she knew that it wasn't an emergency.

They talked. Like any other couple. Perhaps on some nights they were too tired or absorbed in a case to take the time to share a conversation about their relationship but they didn't have to develop an obsession over their couple either. They had gone through a lot lately, at work and in private: Maura had learned that she would never carry a child and they had been working on a complex case that had required the help of the senator himself.

Their holidays in the Berkshire mountains were well deserved.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired."

Her murmur fell flat. She saw its lack of effect on Maura but polite as ever, Maura didn't insist and joined back the conversation their friends were having.

Jane tried to focus on their dinner. It worked for a while. She even managed to share one or two stories that she had gone through as a homicide detective. Everyone laughed and applauded. The evening had never looked so sweet.

It must have been why she grew reluctant to go to bed. The subterfuge of losing herself in a world of superficiality wouldn't work without their friends around. She would be left alone with Maura; alone to face whatever doubts were making her stomach ache.

"Do you happen to have signal? Your mother sent me a text message and I can't reply. I don't want her to worry..."

Maura walked back inside their bedroom after a furtive passage on the balcony. The pine trees were probably responsible for the lack of signal. She set down her cell phone on the bedside table and bit her lips. Jane's silence made her feel slightly uncomfortable. As much as her partner had told her that everything was fine, Maura wasn't stupid: she could sense that something was bothering Jane.

It wasn't a first per se. Even if Jane had considerably opened up during the past fifteen months, she hadn't become an incredible chatter either. She still bottled up about her feelings way too often and making her confess whatever could be bothering her wasn't an easy task. It required tact, and patience. Maura always feared to face it wrongly. It made her nervous every single time.

"You're tense... And you can't use the gnocchi excuse. Your mother won't be here tomorrow so we will skip her Thanksgiving recipes. You have nothing to prove to her, this year."

The joke attempt warmed up Jane's heart. At least Maura was trying, in the sweetest way ever. Jane didn't admit it very often but she considered herself as a very lucky person to have Maura in her life. Maura was caring, intelligent and wise.

In her very own clumsy way.

"Are you kidding me? Ma' would probably find her way to the cabin if I didn't prepare those damn gnocchi tomorrow. We'll have to send her a pic, as a proof." Jane rolled her eyes. She settled under the blanket, in Maura's arms. "I'm okay, don't be worried. Just a bit tired... Maybe it's because of the mountains. The air's strong here."

The excuse wasn't a lie. Jane was honestly tired. Yet she doubted it had anything to do with what Emily's advice had stirred up within herself.

"Do you love me? I mean, are you in love with me?"

The question had been asked rather timidly but its symbol burst in the air with a sharpness that made Jane freeze. Her heart sped up its pace. She immediately leaned up on her elbows to lock her eyes with Maura's hesitant hazel ones.

She was a horrible person for putting her partner in such a state of confusion. She kept on saying that everything was fine but her words didn't match her behavior. Maura's question was thus fair in spite of its cruelty. Jane needed to stop all of this immediately.

"Of course I'm in love with you. Maura... You don't have to doubt about my feelings for you. I'm being sincere."

"Oh I don't have doubts." Maura bit her lower lip and shrugged, visibly uncertain about a thousand things. "I'm just not sure to understand why..."

Why Jane saw her as 'the one'. Why Jane had fallen in love with her one day. It didn't make sense in her head. Jane deserved someone better, a lot better than her. Of course she was more than glad to have been chosen but it didn't change the fact it still took Maura aback quite often.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews!**

 **Chapter Seven**

"Isn't it a bit early to indulge in a glass of wine?"

Maura didn't want to sound patronizing but it was barely 10.45am. Even her own mother would have preferred to have a coffee over a glass of wine. Vera's pout let Maura understand that her friend saw things slightly differently though.

"I've been chopping onions for an hour, I think I deserve this drink. Besides, isn't it what Thanksgiving is for? Getting drunk while pretending we're all thankful for a bunch of barbaric people who claimed one day that this soil was theirs when it wasn't?"

This wasn't the answer Maura had expected. She tended to agree with what Vera had just said but the truth was that she did enjoy Thanksgiving; or at least the symbolic gathering that constituted the apogea of these holidays. It was everything she had lacked of as a child: people sharing a meal, spending time together.

She nodded at her friend, not really eager to explain all of this.

"Then pour some for me, please. It is atrociously impolite to drink alone in a kitchen when you have some company."

She and Jane had woken up rather early to make sure they would put the turkey in the oven right on time. Jane had gone back to bed once her cuisine task done but Maura had remained on the couch of the living-room instead. She had kept on staring at the flames in the fireplace, wrapped in a warm woolen blanket; huddled against herself. She hated going back to bed after getting up.

Something wasn't quite right and she didn't know what. It bothered her, not with the urgence of vital facts but with the latent warning of secondary notions.

She felt fine and was enjoying her time in the mountains with Jane and their friends. Her happiness was somewhat timid though, probably quieted down by whatever was dancing in her mind. She couldn't help thinking about Boston, about the life she and Jane had there. It was probably very stupid but now that she had taken a physical distance with the city – with all the things it meant – a whole series of elements left her ponder about the choices they made on a daily basis.

Perhaps they had been wrong and she hadn't realized it. She didn't put back in question their relationship but the decisions they made regarding it. Their awkwardness might be sweet, it wasn't as harmless as what she had once imagined.

She wasn't losing Jane and Jane wasn't losing her. Nobody was threatened per se. Yet if Maura was eager to make plans for a future, she found herself unable to picture out any of them.

And she didn't know why.

"Where is Jane?"

The last thing Maura wanted to do was to talk about her partner but, too polite to say it to Vera, she simply motioned the main door of the cabin.

"Into the woods with Matthew and William. She wanted to see the lake. The guys told her it had completely iced."

Jane had actually asked Maura whether she wanted to take part in the morning expedition but Maura had turned down the offer. She didn't feel like going out. Besides, she was taking a bath when her partner had poked her head in the bathroom to suggest her to join the group and the warmth of the water was too comforting to leave it behind for the low temperatures of the woods.

Jane hadn't taken it badly. She had simply nodded before planting a soft kiss on top of Maura's nose.

"There's a lake nearby?" Vera's laugh sharply contrasted with the peaceful silence of the house. She shook her head in disbelief then sighed. "I'm always late to the news. Always."

"May I ask you something?"

Maura's question surprised them both. The atmosphere was quite light. Thanksgiving Day wasn't supposed to be about a deep introspection nor endless conversations about topical issues yet something had caused Maura to embrace whatever boldness had spread on her mind.

"I'm not the best person around to ask for advices when it comes to a romantic life but... Go on."

Alright. No matter how vague the question had been, its real nature hadn't fooled Vera. She even looked amused. Something twinkled in her eyes, something almost mischievous. Maura smiled.

"I think you're a lot better at it than what you think but... Ahem..." She hesitated for a few seconds. "I've hurt Jane. For absolutely no reason."

She knew it was true. The moment she had asked her partner about her feelings the night before, Maura had known that she had gone too far. Her lack of self-confidence had come from nowhere for Jane had been the sweetest since they had made it to the Berkshire mountains. Maura had seen how Jane had frozen, how she had got tense before the question. Jane had been taken aback, in a very upsetting way.

She simply hadn't admitted it out loud.

"Then apologize. Life isn't as complicated as you see it, Maura. Or at least not all the time... If you think you've done something wrong then say you're sorry. Do something! But please, don't remain lost in some blue bubble you're so good at creating. Do you remember how you were in Oregon, before Jane showed up for your birthday? This isn't good at all, darling."

The main door burst opened and the sudden intrusion put an end to Maura and Vera's conversation. William and Matthew came in soon followed by a shivering Jane. Maura immediately rushed to her side to warm her up a bit.

"Why did you go out without a coat on?"

Jane snorted before squinted her eyes at both men who had just burst out laughing. She pursed her lips and murmured an inaudible reply between clenched teeth.

Maura repressed a growl the moment her warm lips made contact with Jane's icy cheek. Her partner was wearing several layers of clothes but the wind was blowing hard outside. She should have grabbed a winter coat before leaving the house.

"I thought the damn lake – that, by the way, looks like a pond – was closer. We almost lost me there, Maura."

Maura rolled her eyes. A dramatic Jane was a healthy Jane. She cast a brief glance at Vera then focused back on her partner.

"Come with me, I'm going to prepare you a bath... A very warm one."

William's giggles interrupted whatever Jane wanted to add. Everyone turned around to look at him. The young man was sitting on a couch by the fireplace and was reading a newspaper Emily and Emma had brought back from their morning run near the small grocery store.

"Can't you just wait after the meal to have sex? We're all more or less single, here. It's torture what you're inflicting us with your constant kisses and implicit remarks."

Of course he was joking. Maura grabbed Jane's hand – satisfied of the contact between their respective bodies – then walked past her friend from San Diego.

"Engaging in sexual intercourse just after a meal isn't recommended; if only for the digestion." Her wink echoed Jane's smile. "Come on, let's go. I need to check the turkey in twenty minutes."

"How romantic..."

William's snarky comment only caused Maura's smile to grow wider. She and Jane wouldn't do anything as she wasn't in the mood and certainly didn't feel like having to follow a very precise scheme and lapse of time. William was right on this point: this was anything but romantic. Her current desires were deprived of mischievous scenarios. She simply wanted to do something for Jane, something sweet. She owed it to her after all the things Jane had made these past few days.

Or even for the past year.

If Maura had often been the lead in her relationships, it was different with Jane. She rarely took the initiative and often waited for her partner to offer her to do something instead. She had no idea why her behavior had changed like that, why her self-confidence had slightly disappeared under layers of doubts. Jane wasn't to blame. On the contrary.

If there was something wrong then Maura knew that it came within herself and herself only.

"Your scars must hurt so badly. Jane..." Maura knelt down by the bathtub. She grabbed Jane's hands and let her lips plant endless kisses on the damaged palms. Her position on the floor was probably ridiculous but she couldn't care less. Her concerns were directed to nothing but her partner's probable pain. "Are you okay?"

"Stop kissin' me as if I were the damn pope, Maura! This is embarrassing..." Jane laughed from the depths of her bubble bath. The truth was that Maura's reaction was very sweet but a little disproportionate. "Join me in instead."

Jane didn't need to ask twice. Maura got undressed and soon enough she found herself sitting behind Jane. Her legs pressed tightly against her lover's; her arms held her with care and determination.

Her lips brushed Jane's damp shoulder in an ephemeral kiss.

"Your mother called. She wants a picture of your gnocchi. I guess you were right... She wasn't about to forget about it. I can prepare them if you want. Then you send her the picture and let her think that they're your creation."

Jane gasped and turned her head to look at Maura; falsely offended.

"You want me to lie? Really? How many glasses of wine did you have with Vera, exactly?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews and messages; I have deleted a review by accident when I was moderating some, I apologize! As for the beta, as I've said many times already I can't have one for plenty of different reasons so... Be it.**

 **Chapter Eight**

"The moment I gave birth, I assumed that my role was to be with my child all the time; twenty-four hours a day. But I soon realized that I was wrong. I need to have some time for myself to actually be a good mother. That's how it works. It's not something evident but you still get it at some point."

Jane let Emily's words pass underneath her skin. They didn't hurt but seemed to carry a harsh sincerity instead. As they hit her mind, Jane briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Nobody at this table had children but Emily. It was a choice all the medical examiners had made. Perhaps some of them had seen it as a sacrifice at some point but they now felt fine before it. The professional career they had chosen was singular and had probably weighed in their final decision. Yet that was something none of them was particularly eager to admit.

"You're lucky to have a very understanding husband too. You know what?" Emma winked at her friend. "Actually you're freakin' lucky bitch. He's not even judging your job!"

"We met in med school... He's a pediatrician. He chose life when I chose..." Emily's eyes focused on an invisible point on the table. She pursed her lips under the obvious effort she was making to find the most appropriate word. "I chose justice."

It was probably one of the most peaceful and pleasant Thanksgiving meals Jane had ever attended. She missed her relatives for the ritual aspect their presence tended to bring to the scene but spending this special day with friends only carried a delicate nuance of warmth she liked a lot.

"Justice?" Matthew raised an eyebrow. He looked visibly surprised by Emily's final semantics choice. "That's how you see our job?"

"Yes, don't you? All these... Patients... Who land on our medical tables... There's a loneliness that emanates from them; a vulnerability that asks for nothing but to be eased. We all know most of the cases we get don't turn out to be murders. They are only suspicious deaths that, after further examination, happen to be nothing but natural ones. We make these people justice, in our own way."

The explanation caused Jane to smile. Emily had managed to give humanity to what many people would probably see as a barbaric obligation. The philosophical character the young woman had brought to the fact of performing autopsies was delicate and quite fair.

"What do you think about it, Maura? Why did you choose to become a medical examiner?"

Jane looked down at her plate. She didn't dare to make eye-contact with her partner. She already knew the answer but she lacked the courage it took to ease the fragility that would rise from Maura's explanation; the loneliness she may feel.

A silent sigh passed Maura's lips. She had remained quiet during the conversation about children for she didn't have anything to say regarding such matter. Forensics, however, was a topic she could speak about for endless hours.

"I decided to become a medical examiner to ease the turmoil of the dead – to make sure that they would leave in peace, which is close to what Emily has just said – and because... Because unlike the rest of the crowd, they don't judge me." The silence that followed her confession embarrassed her. She shrugged almost apologetically. "I've not necessarily had a very easy life."

"Because you're a lesbian?"

Of course Vera's direct question caused Jane to choke on her drink. She wasn't sure that she would ever get used to Vera's temper. Maura didn't seem to be bothered by it the slightest bit though. A deep serenity embraced her graceful features as she locked her eyes with her friend's ones.

"I don't consider myself as a lesbian, actually. I am not exclusively attracted to women. That being said, perhaps this side of my identity didn't help either. I don't know... I'm the child other children never really want to interact with. I was a bit special, you know."

Jane felt incredibly guilty. Maura was facing a part of her life that hadn't been easy and she was doing it with a lot of courage. She hadn't broken eye-contact with Vera. On the contrary. She kept on staring at her with determination while a flame of wisdom seemed to dance in her eyes. She had come to term with her past and felt comfortable enough to talk about it right now. Jane was convinced that she would have never been able to do it herself if she had had to.

"Then I'm glad our little group didn't do the same to you. We would have missed a beautiful, meaningful friendship." The smile that lit up Vera's lips went straight to Jane's heart. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need my dose of nicotine."

They hadn't finished the meal but a break was more than welcome anyway. Vera politely nodded at the rest of the table then walked to her coat that she had put down on an armchair. A pleasant – icy – gust of wind slid on Jane's nape the moment Vera opened the sliding doors and stepped out on the terrace, her pack of cigarettes in her hand.

"I agree with you about the kids thing, Em'. I feel exactly the same."

Emily frowned. She seemed rather confused before William's statement. She proceeded to fold her paper napkin then ran her tongue over her lips.

"But you don't have children."

"No, indeed... But I have nephews and boy I'm so glad to not have them around twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. They're nice but gosh... Kids are exhausting!"

Jane barely repressed a giggle until her own mind started its irremediable work of self-wonder. She loved having TJ around but she also enjoyed more than anything her quiet evenings at home with Maura. These weren't something that she was about to sacrifice. Her job was stressful, having Maura's presence by her side helped her overcome it.

She wasn't sure that it would still be possible if they happened to have a baby.

"What about you, Jane? Why did you decide to become a homicide detective?"

It had to happen at some point. As much as she had taken part in the previous conversations, none of them had been directed to her. Matthew's quiet voice floated over the table for a while, giving Jane enough time to prepare a proper answer.

"Some lady came to school one day, she was a cop. She got me hooked. It was... It was just an evidence. As for the homicide part... I don't know, it's like solving a puzzle. I like that. And the adrenalin that comes within... Ahem... Within the whole thing."

She hadn't always seen things this way but now that she thought about it, Jane could say that her best achievements in life came from a sentiment of evidence: her job, her relationship with Maura.

The moment she had read the mail that Maura had sent her from Oregon, everything had become clear in her head. She wasn't alone by then. Most of people who counted in her life were present on that day as they were about to share a barbecue but her feelings had been stronger than all of this. A wakeup call of some sort; that was how she saw it now.

Her usual consciouness that often caused people to think she was prude had broken into a thousand pieces after she had read the mail and she had allowed herself to cry in public. The harshness of something beautiful had hit her rather violently; something she may have repressed for a while. The way she had then rushed to the airport wasn't as spontaneous as it was an act of evidence.

Everything was evident with Maura, absolutely everything.

"It's not an easy job – not for the same reasons as yours – but... I don't think I could do something else. I was made for it, no matter the danger being a detective represents."

She didn't like talking about this part of the job because it was traumatic. The scars she carried on her hands were nothing compared to the ones that kept on burning in her head or deep inside her heart. She knew that there were some things that she would never be able to forget so the best she could do was to simply learn how to live with them. Maura knew it as well. She respected Jane's very own healing process.

The hand slid on her knee with a discreet yet firm confidence. Jane smiled and took a deep breath. Maura had probably felt her slight apprehension over the topic of the conversation and she was offering her a quiet support of some sort.

"I think I admire your guts 'cause I know I wouldn't be able to do half of the things your job pushes you to do."

Emma's remark honestly surprised Jane as she didn't consider herself as someone who had guts. She was full of doubts and insecurities. The face she showed at the BPD was a façade. She didn't say it but she knew it.

She was simply good at her job because she happened to be human.

"I'd... Probably say the same about your job... It's one of the things I admire the most about my wife."

It hit her like a ton of bricks. How a single word could have such effect, Jane had no idea but she certainly felt like dying at the scene the moment she defined Maura as being her wife. What on Earth was she thinking about? Maura was her partner, the person who shared her life. Certainly not her wife.

Jane looked down at her lap. She was mortified.

"And you didn't invite us to the wedding? Now I'm taking it bad, you know." William burst out laughing. He was delighted by Jane's mishap. "I hope you at least took some pics!"

Maura's icy look didn't scare him the slightest bit. On the contrary. His laugh rose even louder in the warmth of the afternoon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: thank you very much for all your reviews and messages!**

 **Chapter Nine**

"Brides have stopped running away since Julia Roberts ruined the concept, you know."

Maura didn't flinch. She remained focused on the lake that spread its strange, transparent ribbon of ice before her eyes. The sun made it shine.

Besides William was exaggerating: she hadn't run away, she had gone for a walk. There was a big difference between both notions.

"I thought Julia Roberts was married. I didn't know she had turned someone down at the last minute."

There was something cute in Maura's incapacity to tell the difference between humor and seriousness. Her remark caused William's lips to curl up in an amused smile. There was no point in insisting on Maura being too literal.

He approached the bench his friend was sitting on and joined her on it.

"I don't understand why you're so anxious, so stressed. You have a strong relationship with Jane; one of the strongest I've ever got to witness. Why can't you just abandon yourself to it properly? It's not gonna kill you, Maura."

William had at least the honesty to be direct and Maura appreciated it. She simply lacked the courage it took to embrace his words and make them hers. He was wise, she knew it. Something just didn't work within her mind; something that prevented her from doing what her friend was suggesting. She hadn't reached this stage yet.

"I've had terrible relationships until now."

Her poor explanation got welcomed by a sigh. William was anything but convinced by her words. He dramatically rolled his eyes and even allowed himself to laugh.

"Who hasn't? Yet it doesn't have to darken a beautiful story when you finally have the chance to have one." The woods were silent, peaceful. The end of the day was near and they would soon be plunged in the dark. The thought made William shiver a bit. He had grown up in the city, mountains looked unfriendly. "Look, I'm not talking about getting married here – you're in your right to decide to not tie the knot it and I respect it – but damn, Maura... Live! Love! Accept your freaking feelings."

"I accept them!" Maura's cheeks turned pink. Her answer had been a tad too loud. It had higlighted nothing but the latent fears that haunted her mind. "I'm in love with Jane – she's in love with me – and I feel extremely lucky."

Then what was her problem? How come she didn't manage to overcome this fog of uncertainty that kept on making her sight blurry?

"What are you afraid of?"

The whisper sounded almost innocent; soft like a stolen kiss. William was being serious in the most caring way ever. It warmed up Maura's heart but also opened bitter wounds she couldn't manage to understand.

She shrugged.

"I don't know. To lose her, maybe? What if we disagree and I lose her? What if it happens?" The words carried such importance that Maura felt like swallowing them back immediately. She closed her eyes as her frustration to be unable to do it grew within herself. "My life doesn't make sense if she isn't part of it."

William counted until five in his head before casting a desperate glance at his friend. He sighed - loudly, heavily - then shook his head.

"Gosh I can't believe you have a PhD."

...

 _The Game of Life_. Jane hadn't played it since this afternoon of 1987. Frankie had swallowed a token and their parents had then thrown the game away claiming it was way too dangerous for her and Tommy to keep it.

Thirty years had passed by – thirty years or so – and now that she looked at the board, she realized that nothing had changed except it had turned into a vintage edition. The six little cars didn't look as shiny as in her memories but the rest was there: her shitty job included. What was it that she could never pick the lawyer or surgeon card?

Vera had got a called from Las Vegas earlier in the evening. Her team needed her help on a case. She had thus declined the offer to play with the rest of the group and had quietly retreated in the library. It had solved the six-car-only issues.

Jane missed her. There was something strange about this woman, strange but appealing. She spoke her mind and didn't care if she didn't fit in. She had a lot of self-control, almost too much to not be intimidating.

"I don't have enough room left in this car for another child. What went wrong, exactly?"

"Your hysterectomy?" William winked at Emma before picking a card. He and Maura had come back to the cabin a couple of hours ago. They hadn't alluded again to the conversation they had had in the woods. Maura probably needed time to work on whatever words and ideas had finally managed to pass her lips. "Oh hey, look at that. I got a promotion." The young man smirked. "Still no boyfriend though. Story of my life."

Maura hadn't cried. She had remained oddly strong in spite of an ounce of truth hitting at last the air. The lightness of the social boardgame was more than welcome; she needed a time out from the exhausting wonders.

Matthew had chosen the game. She hadn't opposed herself to it. How could she anyway? Her friends would have found her reaction to be suspicious; her friends and Jane.

Lost in blank thoughts, she looked down at the board and stared at her very own little car: her character had got married and two children had completed the whole scene. What an ironic, classic scheme. And to top it all, she happened to be a medical doctor.

She didn't like much this kind of coincidences.

Jane was sitting by her side but neither of them had tried to look at each other. Maura knew that Jane's slip was absolutely nothing but it had made her feel extremely uncomfortable nonetheless. They were an old couple and were thus already married; in their own way. Jane was actually in her right to call Maura her 'wife'. The context however brought a paradoxical shade to the Freudian slip.

Nobody had really insisted over it though and Maura had been glad to let go of it. Her embarrassment was strrong enough. She didn't need any external help to hope for a tornado to take her very far from the Berkshire mountains.

She feared the moment they would have to go to bed though. Between Jane's slip and her subconscious revelation to William by the lake, her brain had plunged in an ocean of doubts and she wasn't sure to have what it took to face her partner in the intimacy of a bedroom.

It was ridiculous. People were dying all over the world and she was here going dramatic over something as shallow as unfounded doubts about a relationship that was strong and sweet. Guilt was tightening an invisible grip on her heart.

She and Jane would need to speak.

"My life is atrociously boring." Her remark unexpectedly made her laugh. What was the point of playing _The Game of Life_ if nothing relevant happened to her? She shook her head then grabbed her glass of wine. "This is slightly depressing."

A marriage and two kids. Probably a dog too, as well as a house in some nice suburbs. The mere thought made her feel nauseous as it was exactly the kind of lifestyle she was trying to escape. There was a reason why she had bought a house in Beacon Hill and not in a wealthy suburbs like Brookline. She was a city girl and would always be.

She wasn't made for classic schemes.

"Get a mistress. Aren't you half-French or something, anyway? An affair would totally be justified by your double nationality."

Her smirk didn't have much of an effect on Emily who started giggling, surprised by her own comment.

"Thank you very much for your suggestion but I think I will pass. I am a faithful partner." And just with that, Maura grabbed Jane's hand to hold it tightly. The contact stirred up a warm sensation in her lower stomach. "I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of balance. I need to figure it out."

Then everything would be fine.

"Alright, who's the evening loser?" Vera stormed into the room with her usual, untouchable elegance. She raised an eyebrow and smirked at Matthew. "How are things going for you, honey?"

Jane smiled. Vera's nonchalance reminded her of Constance, Maura's mother. Both women shared the same temper.

"I'm an architect... Divorced... One kid. Could be worse, you know. Ficticious life isn't that bad for me right now."

Vera took a seat and poured herself a glass of wine. She grabbed a wad of bills and proceeded to check the amount that was left.

"Good. Since I'm late to the party, I'll be your boring bank clerk." Her eyes stopped on Emily's little car. "Jeez, stop reproducing yourself. Who do you think you are, Gizmo? Someone stop feeding her after midnight."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: thank you very much for the reviews and messages; I don't think Maura is OOC, I think she has simply been taken out of her comfort zone which causes her confusion - no worries for the beta thing, I was replying to an anonymous reviewer.**

 **Chapter Ten**

"Would you accept to not marry me?"

The question was unusual and rather unexpected as Jane had just opened her eyes. She stared at Maura for long seconds; still half asleep. They hadn't talked much the night before when they had gone to bed. The day had been long and they were tired. Jane had turned off the lamp of her bedside table almost as soon as she had settled in bed.

"Hmm?"

Perhaps she wasn't really awake. Perhaps it was just a sensation and she actually was in the middle of a singular dream. Yet it looked extremely realistic. Maura looked down and bit her lips. Uncertainty had deepened her graceful features. She seemed to be tired.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don't want to get married. Would you accept it?" She swallowed hard and held her breath. She hadn't slept very well. Her mind was too agitated. "I love you, Jane... But marriage isn't for me. Is it a problem for you if we don't get married?"

It wasn't a dream for it made too much sense in spite of the oddness of the situation. Jane leaned up on her elbows and tried to analyze her partner's speech. Maura's words came out of the blue.

"It was just a slip. It was just a Freudian slip." Jane ran a hand through her hair. She repressed a yawn and locked her dark eyes with Maura's hazel ones. What time was it? How long had she slept for? Maura's non-proposal had taken her aback. "I had probably had too much wine..."

It had to do with her slip. They had never really talked about getting married, even the mere mention of the notion was something rather foreign to their couple. Maura had somehow alluded to it a couple of nights earlier but Jane hadn't seen it as a test. She had assumed that her partner simply wanted her opinion on the matter. Obviously Maura must have had developed some kind of obsession after Jane's Freudian slip and she now needed to be reassured.

"But will you take it badly if we never get married? Will you... Will you leave me?"

Maura's voice broke. Her eyes started shining under burning tears but she immediately swallowed them back. She couldn't allow herself to burst into tears. Not now. She would never forgive herself if she did.

"What?! Of course not. I don't give a damn about marriage! I was honest the other day when I gave you my opinion on the matter."

The nod Maura gave Jane turned out to be brief; too brief. She obviously still had doubts about her partner's honesty. Angela would be devastated. She had embraced their relationship with a lot of enthusiasm but Maura was convinced that the matriarch was hoping for a wedding. Jane knew it, she knew the pressure that would come within the decision to not tie the knot.

"Really? Please don't tell me that just to please me, Jane. I'm honestly asking you because... Because I don't want to be a burden for you. And I don't want you to miss out one of your dreams because... Because of me... I've already ruined your chances to give you a baby... I don't want to be the one who will reduce to pieces the kind of future you want to live."

"What?!"

...

Vera nonchalantly walked to the French windows. She leaned against them and took a sip of her coffee. Emma was outside on the terrace doing yoga. The cabin was quiet in spite of the late hours of the morning. William and Matthew had left a note on the fridge: they had gone grocery shopping. Emily had probably gone for a run.

A singular peace had spread an invisible veil over the house, as if Thanksgiving had swept away the excitement of the holidays. The major event was over and it felt like the end already. Such thought caused Vera to swallow hard and frown. She had always hated saying goodbye. She had needed a lot of time to adapt anew to her life in Las Vegas when she had come back from Oregon.

The next few days would be tough. She knew it.

"Good morning."

A glowing Maura walked into the living-room. She was wearing a pair of jeans and the same woolen sweater they had caught her in on the day of their arrival. Vera smiled at her. There was something different about her friend, she could feel it. Yet she was unable to say what it exactly was.

"Oh. It seems like nobody felt the desire to get up early, this morning."

A mysterious flame lit up Maura's hazel eyes, a warm one that matched the sudden pink shade of her cheeks. She didn't reply to the remark and went to pour herself a mug of coffee instead. Vera didn't need to have the details of the conversation she had had with Jane. It was personal.

Marriage. Children. Plans. They had talked about absolutely everything, letting the words they had previously refrained finally pass their lips. It had been relieving.

Jane had been sincere when she had said that she didn't see marriage as a necessity. It hadn't even really crossed her mind to suggest Maura to get married. Perhaps alluding to a potential family had been slightly more bitter as it had opened back wounds that hadn't had time to heal.

Guilt had reached the surface of Maura's heart. She hadn't realized it until now but her infertility made her feel bad towards Jane. She was convinced to have disappointed the person she loved the most on this planet, no matter she had no hold over the whole thing. Jane had showed care – patience – and comfort but they both knew that they would need time to overcome what they now saw as the first difficulty their couple was facing.

 _We can do it. Together._

Jane's words were still haunting Maura's mind. They twirled and rose in her head like the most beautiful mantra she had ever heard. She wanted to believe them, she wanted to embrace the truth they carried. It wasn't the first time she and Jane had to face a tough situation. Just because they were now a couple didn't change their capacity to handle it. On the contrary. They were stronger now.

Stronger and determined.

"What would you like to do, today? Our holidays are coming to an end..." Maura closed back the door of the fridge. She looked up at Vera who hadn't moved an inch. "I guess there's another lake nearby and the view is breathtaking. Perhaps we could go there in the afternoon."

A delicate nuance of melancholy haunted Vera's eyes. It barely lasted a couple of seconds but Maura didn't miss it. She frowned – confused – and tried to calm down the beats of her heart. She wasn't panicked but an alert had nonetheless set off in her head.

Something was going on, something she didn't control.

"Have you ever thought about giving up on everything, Maura? You know... Leaving it all behind to start a brand new life?"

Alright. This was not what Maura had expected. She blinked a bit ridiculously. Her hands were holding her mug of coffee quite tightly. What if Jane came in? Maura had left her partner as she had been about to take a shower but she knew that Jane didn't need much time to get ready. What if she showed up in the kitchen and happened to overhear Vera's wonders? They were extremely personal and highlighted an unexpected sentiment of insecurity; of mental fatigue.

"Oh yes... But I've never had the courage to do it. Needless to say I don't regret it now. I know I'm currently where I should be."

Though Vera could hardly say the same. She didn't even hide the timid bitterness that Maura's answer brought to her soul.

"Don't be worried, I'm fine. It must be the snow." The medical examiner from Las Vegas turned back her attention to the white landscape that seemed to spread its eternity by the window. She shrugged then took a sip of coffee. "I'm not used to it. I live in the middle of a desert!"

"Perhaps you could ask to have a little break. How about travelling to Europe? Or Asia... Or just, you know... Some exotic destination. For a little while."

The suggestion wasn't as stupid as what Maura thought and Vera immediately let her understand with a smile that she appreciated the advice. Even if it wouldn't happen.

She wouldn't go to Europe, even less to Asia. People needed her in Las Vegas and the truth was that she needed her job too. Nobody knew it but she saw it as her life savor. She was a workaholic and would always be.

"What happened to this internship you wanted to launch? You know, the one you told me about when we were in Oregon." Maura ran her tongue over her lips. "I would gladly take part in it."

"I haven't had a chance to work on it yet but it's a project I haven't given up. I'll let you know once I'm sure I get the financial help to do it."

A furtive movement on her right caused Maura to turn her head. Jane had just arrived, her hands plunged in the pockets of her jeans. Perhaps she had overheard a larger part of the conversation but she had at least had the discretion to not show up at the wrong moment. Maura appreciated it.

She couldn't say the weight that pressed on her shoulders was completely gone but the stormy cloud seemed to have nonetheless lost a bit of its strength after the conversation she had had in bed with Jane.

They were getting there, little by little. At their own pace.

And it was all what mattered in the end.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

No matter what they did, Maura had the feeling that she and Jane were drawned to Logan International. They had shared their first kiss only a few feet away from the spot she was currently standing by: an unexpected kiss, an unforgettable one. Everything had started here and – even if Jane had made it all the way to Oregon at some point – it was the moment Maura had passed the doors of the terminal and had thrown herself in her partner's arms that they had really given a chance to a new existence.

Fifteen months later, she could honestly say that she was a happy woman.

"Please text me once you're home." Her hazel eyes looked for reassurance in William's green ones. She wasn't at ease. All the other medical examiners had left already. The end of their holidays was near, way too near. "And don't tell me I sound like your mom."

William burst out laughing. Maura's remark made sense as he often told her she reminded him of his mother. He planted a loud kiss on her cheek before repeating the gesture with Jane.

"Please come visit me in San Diego any time. I'd love to see you there."

Maura nodded but found herself unable to add anything. The lump that had formed in her throat was too painful for words now. She looked down at her feet instead and silently welcomed Jane's comforting hand on her lower back.

The getaway to the Berkshire mountains hadn't turned out to be as romantic and intimate as Maura had imagined it to be at first but she had no regrets nonetheless. How could she? Some of her closest friends had shared a few days of her life at a moment when she needed to feel their presence by her side. They had helped her, even if subconsciously, to face a couple of things regarding her relationship with Jane. She would never forget it.

What would have happened if they hadn't been there?

She decided to sweep away the question. Nobody would ever be able to give a semblance of reply to it anyway and the truth was that it was perfectly okay.

"Why does he have to live so far from us?"

A bittersweet smile lit up Jane's features. Maura's naive question was sweet; extremely sweet. They looked at their friend disappear behind the automatic doors of the terminal and remained still for long seconds.

Going back to Boston was the least of their concerns. The neutrality that emanated from Logan International constituted their last shield against the impassive strength of reality.

It wasn't just the concept of holidays that they were leaving behind but this sentiment of perfection that comes within spending time with beloved ones. The only thing Maura was looking for was to embrace her daily life anew without this weight on her shoulders; the weight of untold things and uncertainties. She felt a lot more at peace now that she and Jane had talked about their relationship.

"Would you like... Would like to have lunch? I've heard good things about the restaurant that opened at Terminal Two."

The question betrayed Jane's own desire to stay at the airport a bit longer. Maura nodded and happily walked towards the aforesaid terminal holding all along her partner's hand. It was strange to be back to a life made of two people only. They had been surrounded by five other people for a week. Everything sounded a bit too quiet; a bit too suddenly.

A face-to-face with Jane would probably strenghten their couple though. They needed some time for themselves, far from anyone else.

They reached the restaurant that had opened a few weeks earliers and went to sit at one of the tables by the large windows that overlooked the tarmac.

"I'd like to have another pet: another dog or even a cat. I don't really mind. I just... I just would like you and I to choose one. If you agree with it, of course." Jane's cheeks turned red. She passed a finger on her knife a bit nervously. "And it would be ours, really ours. See what I mean?"

There was a surprising yet delightful innocence in her request. Perhaps the symbol had a deeper meaning than what appearances wanted them to believe but Maura liked it. It was still too soon to consider adoption or even a pregnancy for Jane. They weren't ready and needed to let time do its trick. The news regarding Maura's infertility were still too fresh in their mind. Rushing into things would be damaging.

It was probably a bit cliché but a new pet seemed to be a nice compromise.

"I have always wanted to have a female cat that I would name Marie Curie." Maura shrugged apologetically. Her remark was cheesey. "But I am opened to suggestions."

Jane accepted the menu that the waiter held out to her. It was probably the first time that she decided to have lunch at an airport instead of choosing a restaurant downtown. It was unusual. She and Maura were surrounded by suitcases and stressed travellers who barely have an hour before leaving.

She had all the time in the world, and it was immensely satisfying.

"Marie Curie..." She squinted her eyes at Maura and pretended to ponder the suggestion. There was never any doubt though. "I could call her MC. Do you think Bass would be okay with a cat in the house?"

The domestic character of their conversation reassured Maura. She was glad to find back the comfort of their complicity after a whole week of turmoil. The serenity of their bond was perfect and soothing.

"He will learn."

The tortoise had seemed more disturbed by the presence of Jane in the house than by the presence of Jo Friday but it wasn't a detail Maura felt like higlighting right now. She didn't want to cause any frustration to her partner who already complained often enough about the peculiar temper of the exotic pet.

Jane was a real tornado. She deeply contrasted with Maura's way of life. She wasn't a stranger to Bass but he had really had a hard time getting used to her mess and thus rather noticeable presence.

"Then we agree on a cat? A female cat?" Two women who lived together and decided to adopt a cat was cliché but since she had suggested it first, Jane held back her remark. "We should easily find one."

They didn't wait. Once their lunch was over, they drove back to Boston and stopped by an animal shelter. They spotted a gray kitten in a corner. It was a female, a sweet one. This is how Marie Curie made it into their life.

The indolence of November would soon be absorbed into the sweetness of December, into its melancholic nuances. Jane and Maura wouldn't think about it too much but they would nonetheless leave behind a whole series of events that they one day would see as the roots of their relationship.

Was it a crisis? Hard to say. Yet something had happened, something that would keep on having an impact on their existence long after the year would be over.

Every couple goes through tough patches. Some people consider these as a test. Maura shared these people's opinion and the fact she and Jane had managed to overcome it was extremely meaningful. It had soothed her doubts and swept away the bad memories of her previous relationships.

Perhaps it hadn't always worked out in the past but it now did. She didn't have to compare what she was now living with Jane to the failures of her heart. It happened but it also ceased.

"We have pictures from this day... It's almost like a wedding!" Jane bit her lips in annoyance. Her mother was going through the series of photographies they had taken during their last gathering. Everyone had come to celebrate their non-wedding. "The only difference is that I'm not wearing a ring but that'd be a tough thing to do with my job anyway. Same for Maura... What if it fell down in some dead's intestines?"

"Jane!"

Alright. Perhaps she had gone a bit too far in her argumentation. She raised a hand in the air to apologize then winked at Maura who was sitting at the kitchen island teaching TJ the art of origami. Maura preferred to keep a low profile and not join her partner's game. She didn't mind teasing Angela from time to time but not when TJ was around. It wasn't fair to let the little boy witness all this.

Jane thought it was simply teaching him the art of dealing with the Rizzolis.

"We took the decision to not get married six months ago... In November. But let's face it, ma'... Maura and I look more married than the couple who live opposite the street and they've been together since Prehistory."

Angela wrinkled her nose. She would never admit it but Jane and Maura's decision made sense to her; a lot of sense actually. It fit.

"Oh I have no doubt about that, Janie... Just as I'm sure you and Maura will still be together when half of your high-school mates will be divorced. I'm just saying you would have been so pretty in a wedding dress. It's not criticizing the choice you made, it's just adding... Adding an option."

Marie Curie jumped on Jane's lap. The cat had grown since November and had found her place in the family. Bass didn't seem to mind much about an extra-presence in the house for Marie Curie was rather quiet. Jane started caressing her.

"Oh c'mon, ma'. We both know I'd have worn jeans if I had got married."

Maura rolled her eyes. She was amused by the scene. Many things had changed since their holidays spent in the Berkshire mountains. They had found a strong balance in their couple, one she knew that would never fade away.

Their life wasn't indolent anymore. It was bright, bright and full of hope.

The End

 **Author's note: Thank you very much for the reviews and messages you've sent me all along this story that seems to take forever to get posted. It didn't follow the "couple classic scheme" indeed as it was first and foremost the story of a group. Next story should be up on Monday which leaves me some time to see what kind of plot I can go for. Thank you again for everything and I wish whoever is celebrating it today a very happy Thanksgiving. See you on Monday!**


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